Phew! Glad I got that off my chest

I think I can safely say... that no matter what moronic things I've done lately...
I have never licked a spark plug.

"He had a mouth like a hippolatamus!"

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

Narrator: "Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt, who together make up
the infamous gang of scalliwags, the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything!"
Larry, Pa, Mr. Lunt: "We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just
stay home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just
tell you ..."
Larry: "We don't do anything!"
Pa: "Well, I've never been to Greenland and I've never been to Denver, and
I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul, and I've never been
to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa, and I've never been to Boston in
the fall."
All: "'Cuz we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home
and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you..."
Mr. Lunt: "We don't do anything. And I never hoist the mainstay and I
never swab the poop deck, and I never veer to starboard 'cuz I never
sail at all, and I've never walked the gang plank and I've never owned a
parrot, and I've never been to Boston in the fall."
All: "'Cuz we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay at home
and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you... We don't do anything!"
Larry: "Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at
ping-pong, and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall,
and I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice, and
I've never been to Boston in the fall!"
Pa: "Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster and mashed
potatoes have to do with being a pirate??"
Mr. Lunt: "Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about pirate-y
things!"
Larry: "Oh ..."
Pa: "And who ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even
bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?"
Mr. Lunt: "I think you look like Cap'n Crunch!"
Pa: "Huh? No I don't!"
Mr. Lunt: "Do too."
Pa: "Do not!"
Mr. Lunt: "You're making me hungry."
Pa: "That's it, you're walkin' the plank!"
Mr. Lunt: "Says who?"
Pa: "Says the captain, that's who!"
Mr. Lunt: "Oh, yeah? Aye aye, Cap'n Crunch!"
Larry: "And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a
stink bug, and I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball, and
I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings ..."
Pa: "You just don't get it!"
All: "And we've never been to Boston in the fall!"

The Banana Phone Song

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
Banana phone
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
Banana phone
I've got this feeling
so appealing
for us to get together and sing - SING!
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
Banana phone
Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding
Donana phone
It grows in bunches
I've got my hunches
Its the best
beats the rest
cellular modular
interactivodular
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
Banana phone
Ping pong ping pong ping pong ping
Ponana phone
Its no baloney
It aint a phony
My cellular
Bananular phone
Don't need quarters
don't need dimes
to call a friend of mine
dont need computer or tv
to have a real good time
I'll call for pizza
I'll call my cat
I'll call the whitehouse, have a chat
I'll place a call around the world
Operator get me beijing jing jing jing
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
Banana phone
Ying yang ying yang ying yang ying
Yanana phone
It's a real live mama and papa phone
a brother and sister and a dogaphone
a grandpa phone and a grandma phone too - oh yeah
my cellular bananular phone
Banana phone
ring... ring... ring...
Its a phone with appeal (a peel)
Banana phone
ring... ring... ring...
Now you can have your phone and eat it too
Banana phone
ring... ring... ring...
This song drives me .... bananas
Banana phone
ring... ring... ring...
Bo ba do ba do do doob

MUAH HA HA!

BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!

I've been saying this to people all day.
Don't ask me why.
I like bananas.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

SNOW DAY!

Oh! The places you'll go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

---Dr. Seuss

Will there really be a morning?

Will there really be a morning?
Is there such a thing as day?
Could I see it from the mountains
If I were as tall as they?
Has it feet like waterlilies?
Has it feathers like a bird?
Is it brought from famous countries
Of which I have never heard?
Oh some scholar!
Oh some sailor!
Oh some wiseman from the skies!
Please tell a little pilgrim
Where the place called morning lies!
Emily Dickinson

M&M's... taste the flavor explosion... literally.

This needs to be documented.
M&M's are literally dangerous... be careful who is in your company when you have an unopened bag.
Have you ever witnessed a bag of M&M's explode? The plain--not the peanut. That would've been worse.
Innocently, I mimicked smashing a bag (the full-size bag) of colorful-crunchy-shelled-milk-chocolatey-goodness upon my friend Geoff's head. Why? I honestly don't know why. I'm not a psychologist... and neither are you. Anyway... Geoff seemed to like this idea. I know now I should've been very afraid at this response. But, unfortunately, I wasn't. (again... I am not a psychologist and neither are you.) He innocently asked me whether or not I cared if he did indeed smash the bag upon his head. Innocently, I replied that indeed, I did not. Once again, a warning alarm should've been going on in my brain, and again... it didn't. So Geoff twisted the bag in his left hand and smashed it onto his head.
It exploded.
All over the caf. (The definition of 'all over' in this context means, from the farthest corner of the caf where we were sitting, right down to the first door into the food area... need I say that's a large area to cover.) I'm sure I'm exagerrating when I say it sounded like a small bomb going off... but it kind of did. M&M's littered the floor and tables.
So... the moral of this story is... primarily, anything (even innocent pieces of colorful-crunchy-shelled-milk-chocolatey-goodness) can be dangerous around insane people. Only later did I recall that this was the guy who innocently aided in blowing up a gasoline-filled watermelon. Hmm... sooner or later, I'm going to need a therapist.
I hope you have appreciated this highly-dramatised reminiscence of yesterday's main event. My hopes are that your friends are as incredibly, insanely awesome as mine.
Happy Monday!

Bloody Heck

Today, I am a disaster waiting to happen.

Ha ha

I love to laugh
Loud and long and clear
I love to laugh
It's getting worse ev'ry year

The more I laugh
The more I fill with glee
And the more the glee
The more I'm a merrier me
It's embarrassing!
The more I'm a merrier me!

Shades of Gray

When developing photos, my mom always insists on color. She hates black and white photos. Apparently this is because she grew up with those boring old black and white photos. This all goes to the familiar ground of the parental guilt trip... and it's true, my generation is spoiled with the whole technology thing.
My mom also claims that I'm a romantic. I guess I am.
This all, supposedly, explains my love of black and white photography. There's just something about it that seems to have more interest. As if the shades of black and white are deeper then hues of color. It all sounds like nonesense, I suppose. But if you sit and you look at a black and white photo... maybe you'll agree with me.
There's a stillness and a contrast represented in those black and white photos... of stopped and frozen time. I guess it is romantic.

The camera doesn't make a bit of difference. All of them can record what you are seeing. But, you have to SEE. -Ernst Haas

Just like Peter

What makes the Monkey Dance?

In the whole world there is nothing better than dancing around the kitchen with a freshly-bathed and diapered baby. Especially when the music is Louis Armstrong and the baby is a giggly baby.

Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot. -Josh Billings

Pasteurize

pasteurize: where your life goes in a near-death experience.
I colored with crayons until around eleven last night with my friends. When was the last time I did that? Heaven knows. I never realized that Crayola crayons and a good solid coloring book were the tools to unlock the restoration of my soul. Har har. Honestly though, it is incredibly relaxing. Therapists should keep a box of (at least) 48 crayons and a coloring book in their offices, just for this purpose. Think how fewer psychopaths there would be in the world if we gave them all a box of crayons and a coloring book. And the names of the colors they come up with! My favorite was razmatazz. It is THE most awesome color. My friends were all like, "pass the robin's-egg-blue," or "I need the forest green." When I just grabbed at whatever I could get... like my six-year-old brother. Now I know why parents buy all that coloring crap: if it can keep 18-year-olds busy for hours, it can keep a five-year-old busy for at least a half-hour. I'll have to remember that in the future. Isn't it funny what happens to people as they grow older? My 14-year-old sister, for example, is now into that embarrassed-and-completely-self-conscious stage 24/7. I remember that stage. My older brother (approaching his 20th birthday) scoffs at me because I love to act goofy. I mean, like a little kid again. I'm regressing, I guess. But if you go through life acting all stiff and serious and... boring, that's what your life is gonna be. My goal in life (aside from all those other goals) is to not be afraid of acting like a little kid sometimes. In a way, I think, it reminds you to cherish what's important, and not the little things you've blown out of proportion. The simple things. That's why, no matter what I ever say, my siblings are so important to my life. It's like laughter; how dull would I be without it? How superficial would I be without my brothers and sisters? They rock.

Darned Impressionism

To catch the impression of a place, a moment, a feeling... and document it forever on canvas. How beautiful is that? Forever I'll focus on achieving perfect detail, and completely lose my sense of the beauty of what I'm trying to capture. So, it'll really be an achievement when I finally learn what those darned impressionistic painters know that I don't know. What a pain.

There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun. Pablo Picasso

If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.

Laughing. Honestly, it's the number one best activity in life. It takes so little effort and so often is simply spontaneous. Think about it : real, joyful, genuine laughter not only makes you feel good but often radiates to other people too. If I couldn't laugh, what kind of a person would I be? My friends have learned to characterize me by my laughter... I honestly have a billion different laughs. Sometimes I'll randomly start giggling over really stupid things and my friends will give me that 'you're psychotic' look. It's great. I'm pretty sure laughter consists of about 75% of my personality, so I would be a really dull person without it. Thank God for laughs. Right now I am laughing because I just realized that today is Friday the Thirteenth. Ha.

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. W. H. Auden

Deviations

This morning I remembered something that happened the other day. I had been walking from the museum to the library through this windowed corridor type thing when I happened to look out the window and I saw this fat little cardinal sitting on a berry bush. It was kinda surreal. He was just hanging out there... but he started eyeing me when I immediately took out my camera (I was having good luck that day--hence having a camera at just the right moment) and got as close as I could to get a picture of him. I'm not sure why I remembered it this morning... it was just one of those odd little events that deviate from the monotonous events of everyday. Kind of refreshing, in a way.
The sun came back this week but unfortunately it brought colder wind with it. Ah, well... I'm not sure how much longer I could have lasted without sunshine.

Nothing but blue skies...

Q: If you could go anywhere (be anywhere) right now, where?
To be a dork and quote Dr. Seuss: oh the possibilities.
Perhaps take the path frequently trodden, and I could be in Rome, Venice, Florence, Paris, London... somewhere in Spain or Greece.
I for one have always, always dreamed of going to Ireland. (When college-searching first began and brochures were handed out, I always went directly to the study abroad programs to see Ireland listed there.) I don't know why... something about the stereotypical landscape there... for some odd reason it sparks my artistic interest more then Italy or France... but then again, I've never been to Europe (barely even out of the U.S. at all.)
Right now, I'm feeling Greek.

måndag

Where did the weekend go? I'm pretty sure Saturday flowed right into Sunday. Therefore today should not be Monday.
I was inevitably late for work again this morning. Inevitable because, again, it's Monday. The incredibly cold blast of wind that met me on the walk to the campus center froze every exposed patch of my skin. Even my eyes felt frozen (is that even possible?)-- especially my eyes. And then-- horror of horrors, I remembered how many of my friends are studying abroad this month in places like Hawaii and (even better!) Greece. The irony that they should leave just in time for this sudden cold blast of winter was almost too much to bear. My big brother would have a conniption fit over my complaints: "You're a Minnesotan! This weather is warm for a pure-blooded Minnesotan!" Logically then, I am not a true Minnesotan... and curiously, I'm not afraid to admit it. At least I don't panic over a couple inches of snow like our high and mighty weather forcasters. (Then again, I don't usually have to drive in it either.)
I feel I should document the discovery of an artist named Keith Haring in my drawing class today. When I first saw his work I wasn't really impressed, but I think it's growing on me. How interesting.

Sweet paint

Ah ha. So... here I am.
There is so much I could say... what do I start with?
I love paint. I really can't explain why. It goes along, I guess, with my love of art. Art in general, I mean. I guess it's like seeing this blank space... and, to put it bluntly, making it unblank. And my favorite medium for unblanking something is with paint. So... there you go.