Why do bad things happen to good people?
My roommate's grandfather died today, very suddenly. A sadder thing couldn't have happened to a nicer person.
It makes me realize what kind of a person I am. I mean... it's important to know yourself, right? Not that I do, really... but let me tell you, I'm really really bad at knowing what to say in tragic times. At funerals, I mostly just cry. I usually choke on my words. But how many times can people say 'I'm sorry?'
I remember early this school year a memorial I attended in the campus chapel. Some friends and I gathered to lead a rosary service for the family of a student who died. I didn't realize who the person was until I saw her picture. I didn't know her--not really, but she and I lived just down the hall from each other our freshman year. Yet, sitting and listening to the things people said... the tears came down my face and they wouldn't stop. I mean... I wasn't sobbing or weeping; in a strange way, I didn't feel I had the right to. But still it was like someone turned on a faucet behind my eyes.
Relay for life was this past weekend and for the kick-off, a girl (whom I also happened to live down the hall from freshman year) gave her testimony of her fight with cancer. She said, something to the effect of, we as twenty-something young people, we know we're going to die, eventually. It's a fact of life. Still we don't actually realize it until something really happens to remind us. (She got a standing ovation as she left the stage.)
So today, right up to when I found out about what happened to my roommate, I had been worrying and complaining about all of the papers and presentations and projects I had to finish; all that work. And then I felt so ridiculous for fussing about it all-- how stupid are all these little minuscule things that everyone has to deal with, when such bigger, life-shaking and heart-breaking things are happening. It makes me wish I could put things into perspective like this more often. Especially when bigger things are happening to the people I care about, and I'm too self-centered to notice.
I told one of my friends earlier this year that I didn't make a new year's resolution; I never do because they're stupid. But actually I did... it just sounded too self-righteous to say aloud. But I want to pay attention more, talk about myself less, notice when my friends and family are upset or hurting, and learn to be more easy-going. I want only the important things to affect me. Because in the long run, why get upset about-- for example, just today in class-- a person who regularly sits next to you and her obnoxious eating habits? Pshah.
Oh yeah, and here's a big one: praying more. And reaching out to others. And... pulling them in with you. (hey, you can reach out to people, but you're still just reaching. And you can reach out and "touch" people. But that's just a touch. Sometimes-- especially in college-- you gotta reach out, grab hold and not let go. If someone were drowning and you were on shore, would you let go?)
So I made a cookie pie for my roommate.
With frosting.
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