Aching

I miss Ireland so much it hurts.
Really.
I never even imagined it would be this bad.
I keep trying to rack it up to my last semester in college and the weirdness and vulnerability I feel here. But it's not just that.
I miss so much! I miss wandering and being by myself without actually feeling alone.
I miss the sunlight and the intermittent rain. The fog, the mist, the trees, the green, the pier. The houses. The people. The pubs, the music, the beer.
EVERYTHING!
I wish it were easy to fix, that I could just cry really hard or something and let it all out and let it all go, but I can't cry about it. It just aches, dully.
I wonder if it'll ever go away. I just don't think a place has ever held on to me like that. Does it mean I need to go back? The BCA does offer post-bac and MFA programs...
but will it be the same without the same people?
I don't know. Maybe I just need to deal with the fact that it's over. I'm here now and I have to figure this thing out. I know I do, I just can't help but feel a spot inside my chest sting a little whenever I think about it all.